Being a good enough mom

Where does this feeling come from?

Societal expectations greatly contribute to guilt because in today's world, it is often implied that mothers must always be perfect and handle every situation seamlessly. Social media, advertisements, and other sources often paint an idealized picture of motherhood, which can set unrealistic expectations.

Unfortunately, mothers can sometimes be the most critical of each other at the playground or on online platforms – you've probably heard the cynical questions: Doesn't your child sleep through the night yet? You're no longer breastfeeding? Why does the child sleep with you? Why don't they sleep alone? Do you let your child watch TV already? These are all toxic comments for a new mother, which can further amplify the feeling of "not being a good enough mother."

Not measuring up, and the feeling of guilt can lead to exhaustion, anxiety, and even depression in the long run, affecting not only mothers but also the well-being of their children. Children are sensitive to their parents' emotional state, and if a mother constantly feels guilty, it can impact the child's emotional development as well.

How can we alleviate the feeling of maternal guilt?

The first step to alleviating guilt is recognizing that there is no "perfect" mother. Striving for perfection is an unrealistic and unattainable goal.

It is helpful at times like these to set realistic expectations for ourselves and accept that we can make mistakes, as these are all part of the learning process and becoming a mother. We must allow ourselves the possibility of making mistakes because children also learn from these situations, and how we handle mistakes can serve as a valuable example for them.

Managing guilt is also key, which starts with self-acceptance and learning to ask for help, even from a professional if necessary. Moreover, acquiring stress management techniques like meditation or relaxation can also be effective. Incorporating walking or exercise into our daily routine can be very helpful, as can dedicating 10–20 minutes a day to 'me time' amidst childcare tasks.

All of the above can contribute to processing the feeling of guilt and reassure us that we are good mothers, even when not everything is perfect. This is essential not only for maintaining our mental health but also for our child, as a happy and balanced mother can provide a truly loving and supportive environment.