In practice, this inner voice determines what we dare to try, how we relate to our mistakes, or how lovable we feel on a difficult day.

The first step is to recognize: this is not the truth, merely an internal mechanism that perhaps once offered protection but now rather limits us.

But what can we do to make this inner voice quieter and gentler?

The Birth of the Critical Inner Voice

The inner critic often develops in childhood, when we begin to internalize the expectations and criticisms of our parents, teachers, or peers. Children who encounter excessively strict expectations or those with insecure attachment patterns — where the fear of rejection is increased — are more prone to developing a strong self-critical voice (Gilbert, 2009).

External expectations then turn into internal messages, which increasingly challenge an individual’s worth and abilities more frequently and forcefully.

From here arise thoughts such as: “I’m not good enough,” or “I can’t do anything right” (Sabler, n.d.; Schaffner, 2024).

It's important to highlight that the inner critic isn't always born from directly hurtful feedback. Often, indirect messages, like conditional love or constant comparison with others, are enough for a child to learn that their value does not stand alone but is tied to performance or others' expectations (Winnicott, 1965). Additionally, sibling rivalry, perfectionist family patterns, or the lack of rewards can also increase the formation of the internal critic.

This inner voice also functions as a sort of unconscious defense mechanism, attempting to shield the individual from disappointment and hurt — even if in a self-limiting way (Vaillant, 1992).

The Hidden Motivation of Self-Criticism

It is worth observing that the inner critic often reacts to our fears — as mentioned, it tries to protect us from failure or unfavorable judgment. In many cases, however, it holds us back, and becomes our greatest enemy, relentlessly reminding us of our mistakes. Therefore, it is important to recognize its intent, and consciously transform the internal dialogue (Wakelin et al., 2021).

One of the less visible functions of self-criticism is to try to make the experience of failure manageable: if we criticize ourselves beforehand, it “hurts less” compared to criticism coming from others (Petersen, 2010).

This mechanism thus aims to reduce vulnerability — but paradoxically, it perpetuates constant self-doubt.

Some research also points out that excessive self-criticism can be understood in social contexts: it is often stronger in communities where there is a high performance pressure and little positive feedback (Heine et al., 1999). In certain societies, self-criticism and modesty appear as virtues, which can further strengthen this internal dialogue (Heine, 2001). Self-criticism then seemingly becomes a motivating tool, yet in the long run, it turns into a source of self-sabotage.

Internal criticism can be interpreted not only from a psychological perspective but also from a neuroscientific standpoint. Research suggests that excessive self-criticism activates the brain centers responsible for fear and survival, such as the amygdala. This means that inner criticism often acts like the brain “interprets” our thoughts as an attack — triggering the stress response, increasing cortisol levels, which over time can lead to anxiety, low self-esteem, and burnout (Gilbert, 2009).

This is why it is not enough to silence the inner critic. It is worthwhile to transform the internal voice to be more compassionate and accepting. Such a voice activates soothing systems in the brain, promoting the release of oxytocin, which supports psychological regeneration and internal stability (Neff, 2012).

The Vicious Circle

The inner critic operates in a self-reinforcing vicious circle: negative thoughts — such as “I’m not good enough” — trigger the inner critic, which can result in anxiety, guilt, or depression. This further weakens confidence and capability (Firestone & Firestone, n.d.). Negative thoughts also appear at the behavioral level: for instance, in self-limiting or self-sabotaging decisions. These reflect back to self-esteem, giving rise to new criticism — and thus the cycle begins anew (Schaffner, 2024).

For example, Anna thinks before a work presentation: “I'm not a good enough presenter, I will definitely mess this up.” This negative thought activates her inner critic, which says inwardly: “Why did you take this on anyway? You won't be able to do it properly.” This makes Anna anxious, her palms sweat, her voice trembles, and she finds it increasingly difficult to concentrate.

The tension causes Anna to cancel the presentation in the end — this is a self-limiting decision, preventing her from experiencing success. Later at home, she begins to blame herself again: “I wasn’t even capable of that, I’m a loser.” This reinforces the self-criticism, further erodes her self-confidence, and thus in the next similar situation, she will be even less likely to stand up, starting the cycle all over again.

Not everyone experiences the inner critic in the same way. Perfectionist personalities often judge their worth based on their performance, making them more prone to harsh self-criticism (Flett et al., 2002). In anxious or avoidant attachment styles, the inner critic often becomes dominant following relational injuries, particularly reacting to the fear of rejection (Raque-Bogdan et al., 2011). Being aware of such differences can help develop personal coping strategies.

It is also important to distinguish between self-reflection and self-criticism. The former aims at learning, growth, and deepening self-awareness — without judgment (Trapnell & Campbell, 1999). The latter, on the other hand, is generalized, hurtful, and categorical (“you always mess up”), and it punishes rather than offers solutions (Gilbert et al., 2004).

The inner critic can have an adaptive side as well. It functions as internal control, which supports value-based decision-making, learning from mistakes, and growth. It is not the presence of the critical voice that is the problem, but its tone and content. Compassionate, constructive internal feedback strengthens self-awareness, while shame-inducing, degrading internal speech paralyzes and incites anxiety (Gilbert et al., 2004).

A healthy, adaptive internal critic works more like a compass, rather than a judge.

Taming the inner critic does not mean denying our mistakes. Rather, it means approaching ourselves humanely, with understanding and compassion.

Practical Exercises for Everyday Life

Self-compassion — a mindful, loving, and kind attitude towards oneself — requires practice, but can begin in small steps (Warren et al., 2016; Gilbert, 2010):

• Friendly perspective: Ask yourself: “What would I say to a friend in this situation?” — This can help to distance from momentary emotions and cast the situation in a new light.

• Thought awareness: If you notice the inner critic taking over, stop and ask yourself: “Is this really an objective statement, or just an automatic thought?”

• “Name and role” technique: Name and give a personality to your inner critic (e.g., “Strict Sarah” or “Maximum Mark”), and imagine it speaking to you from the outside. This helps maintain distance from the inner critic's voice and not identify with it — this is known as decentering, a technique of ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy).

• “Yet-Statements”: Add a compassionate complement to critical thoughts: “I made a bad decision — yet I tried to decide responsibly.” Such reframing shades the emotional experience and reduces internal tension.

What Psychological Methods Can Help?

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) can effectively help manage the critical inner voice by teaching us to identify and transform irrational negative thoughts. Through this method, we are able to develop a more realistic self-image, not just on a thought level, but emotionally and behaviorally as well (Schaffner, 2024; Firestone & Firestone, n.d.)

Overcoming the inner critic’s voice isn’t done in a magic moment, but self-compassion and restructuring our thoughts can help develop a more supportive, positive internal dialogue. Instead of self-criticism, let’s learn to stand patiently and kindly towards ourselves – leaving more energy for achieving our true goals and enjoying life!

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References

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