It’s entirely natural to want to meet the expectations of our partner, boss, parents, or anyone whose opinion matters to us. As a result, clients often come to private consultations with the slogan: "My friends/ex/partner said I should come, but I don't know how this could help me." Until you find your own reason to be open, receptive, and curious about this methodology, it’s not worth seeking a psychologist. It’s not the professional’s job to convince you that psychology is an effective field with a well-functioning toolkit.

Of course, this is a two-way relationship, both you and your psychologist need to contribute to the process to achieve success together. The essence lies in four factors: the aforementioned internal motivation, the clear goals, the relationship between you and your psychologist, and their expertise. Think a bit, which factor carries the most weight? Interestingly, the most important is the good therapeutic relationship between you, which is why it’s very important to work with a professional you feel safe with and with whom you can work in a trusting atmosphere. This can only happen if you have your personal motivation for it. Clear goals are crucial to eventually looking back at where you started and where you are now, to see if there has been progress, if there has been a change within you regarding the set goals. The psychologist’s expertise is important to ensure you end up with a professional who uses a therapeutic approach and framework that fits your problem.

It’s essential to not arrive with self-diagnoses and specific treatment plans for the consultation. Allow your psychologist to do their job and be open to the various tools they introduce you to. Avoid being under time or financial pressure. It takes a lot of energy away from growth if you’re not calmly and patiently focusing on yourself, but rather getting annoyed about the cost and wondering when everything will be magically resolved. Consider how long you have been carrying certain issues within you, maybe for years or decades; your psychologist has just 50 minutes in a week or two-week period, including time for arriving, leaving, and scheduling, to catch up, get to know you, understand the nature of your problem, and start you on the path to resolution.

So only start the counseling process if your circumstances allow for this honest journey towards your inner world.