Being a good enough mom

Where does this feeling come from?

Social expectations greatly contribute to guilt, because in today’s world, it is often suggested that mothers must always be perfect and must be able to cope in every situation. Social media, ads, and other sources often paint an idealized picture of motherhood, which can create unrealistic expectations.

Sadly, it is often mothers who can be the most critical of each other on the playground or on online platforms – I’m sure you’ve heard the cynical question before: does your child still not sleep through the night? Are you not breastfeeding anymore? Why does your child sleep with you? Why doesn’t your child sleep alone? Are you already letting them watch cartoons? These are all toxic comments for a new mother, and they can make the feeling of “I’m not a good enough mother” even stronger.

Not feeling good enough, and the feeling of guilt, can in the long run lead to exhaustion, anxiety, and even depression, which can negatively affect not only mothers, but also children’s well-being. Children are sensitive to their parents’ emotional state, and if a mother feels guilty all the time, it can also affect the child’s emotional development.

How can we ease the feeling of maternal guilt?

To ease guilt, the first step is to recognize that there is no “perfect” mother. Striving for perfection is an unrealistic and unreachable goal.

It helps to set realistic expectations for ourselves, and accept that we can make mistakes too, because these are part of the learning process and becoming a mother. We need to allow ourselves to make mistakes, because children also learn from these situations, and handling mistakes can be a valuable example for them.

It is also key to manage guilt, which starts with accepting ourselves and learning how to ask for help — even from a professional, if needed. In addition, learning stress-management techniques, such as meditation or relaxation, can also be effective. Making walking or exercise part of everyday life can help a lot too, just like setting aside 10–20 minutes of me-time each day among the things to do around the children.

All of the above can help us work through the feeling of guilt, and can strengthen us in the belief that we are good mothers, even when not everything is perfect. This is important not only for maintaining our mental health, but also for our child, since a happy and balanced mother can truly provide a loving and supportive environment.

Frequently asked questions

Am I a bad mother if I put my child in daycare and go back to work?

No, because a parent who is also professionally fulfilled provides a more balanced background and a positive example for their child in the long run.

What should I do if I’ve had enough and shouted at my child?

Anger is a natural human reaction, the important thing is to apologize afterwards and talk the situation through with them, teaching emotional management in the process. Saying sorry is one of the most important parenting tools you have, but you don’t apologize because you corrected them for making a mess (the rule stays!). You apologize for how you did it. For shouting, for rude words, or for slamming doors.

Why do I feel guilty when I finally have ten minutes to myself without the kids?

Because of social pressure or unrealistic expectations that are probably weighing on you. But it is important to know that your own recharging is essential “fuel” for being able to show up as a patient and loving mother.

How can I handle unwanted advice from relatives and acquaintances effectively?

Set firm boundaries and trust your maternal instincts, because you know your own child and your family’s needs best.

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