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Who am I? We often ask ourselves this big question from time to time. Psychology answers it like this: The self (self-concept) is the mental representation of information a person has about themselves. But what does this mean? We have a general self-image that breaks down into different other self-images. We think differently about ourselves in various situations.
From this article, you can learn how our self-images take shape, why our self-image can get out of balance, and how self-knowledge can support restoring inner harmony.
Every person has three kinds of self-image. The first is the actual self-image, which includes the characteristics that we really have, according to ourselves or someone else. The second is the ideal self-image – these are the traits we would like to have, or someone else would like us to have. These are basically our hopes, goals, and wishes. The third is the expected self-image, which is the set of traits that, according to us or someone else, we should have. This includes, for example, our duties, tasks, and responsibilities.
If these images matched, we wouldn’t even need psychologists, since everyone would feel extremely comfortable in their own skin – but in reality, the story goes a bit differently. As soon as a small disturbance appears, the unity of the image we have of ourselves is shaken, and we start to feel bad, which is understandable in a way. In many situations, we feel that our efforts to become the kind of people we want to be are not being fulfilled – at times, disappointment, discouragement, shame, and sadness can surface. And when we cannot be the way others expect us to be, restlessness, tension, anxiety, and guilt come knocking at the door. The best thing we can do then is try to gain deep self-knowledge.
With the help of self-knowledge, we can get a realistic picture of the components, limits, and possibilities of our personality. We can get to know our own behavior, our reasons, and we can have a conscious image of ourselves. Not to mention that it also helps us properly judge our relationships with others, and the roles we play in them. If we have self-knowledge, we solve our problems more successfully, recover more easily from physical and mental illnesses, are able to find new goals after setbacks, and handle our social relationships and conflicts more effectively. Time to know yourself!
Frequently Asked Questions
Why do I dwell on my mistakes for days after a failure?
In moments like this, the pain comes from the gap between your real self and your ideal self that you imagine to be perfect, and you can ease it by processing the failure experience and refreshing your self-image.
How can self-knowledge help?
It helps you become aware of the differences between your real and desired self-image, supports self-acceptance, and helps restore inner balance.
What can I do if I feel guilty when I can’t finish all my tasks?
Guilt can also show up when you set overly rigid expectations for yourself. Getting to know your limits helps you take on realistic responsibility instead of unrealistic demands.
How do I decide whether my goals are truly my wishes, or just other people’s expectations?
Through self-knowledge work, you can learn to separate your ideal self-image (what you want) from your expected self-image (what others put on you), so you become able to walk your own path.
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