We can call this phenomenon the “eternal therapist syndrome,” and it is super important to talk about it because it can affect both the psychologist and the client. During psychological counseling, two people work closely together to find a solution to the client’s problem. This can take a long time. Since the basic ingredients of this process are a trusting atmosphere and a good therapeutic relationship, we can assume that these two people really like each other. A highly diverse dynamic can develop between them; clients often see their parents, partners, or other key figures of their lives in their psychologist. On top of that, they meet every week or two for long months or even years – let’s be honest, that is way more time than a busy adult can fit into their schedule with their own closest family and friends.

Looking at all these factors, we can say that the client and their psychologist become a part of each other’s lives for the duration of the counseling process. In some cases, it can be really hard to step away from such a close, trusting, and supportive relationship. The client might develop an emotional dependency on their psychologist. In these moments, they feel like the professional is the only person who truly gets them, making it hard to imagine ending the relationship. They might also feel insecure about coping on their own, fearing they won’t be able to handle their problems by themselves in the future.

And because this is a two-way street, we also need to talk about the psychologist, since they are human just like their client, full of feelings and thoughts. They also see some of their clients more often than their own friends or family, and the people they meet weekly in the office become part of their lives, too. The psychologist might also worry about how their clients will do once they are no longer there to guide them. It can be just as hard for them to let go of a client’s hand and think that perhaps they will never meet again.

However, it is clearly the psychologist’s responsibility to ensure that therapy only lasts as long as the client’s problem exists, or until the set therapeutic goals are reached together. This is why setting goals is so important. If we don't set any, how will we know we achieved them? Of course, we often decide how we feel based on subjective things, but we can make evaluating progress much more objective by matching facts with our feelings.

With the psychologist’s help, a gradual step-back from the counseling process can help clients make the ending feel worry-free, allowing them to slowly practice their newly learned skills in real life, step by step.

Frequently asked questions

What should I do if I can’t even make small decisions without my psychologist?

Definitely share this feeling with your psychologist, because the goal of counseling is to strengthen your independence, not to create a new dependency.

How do I know if I’m only going to the sessions out of habit, or I still need help?

Take a look at whether you still have specific, unreached goals, or if you are just holding onto the weekly chats for a sense of safety. Your psychologist will be happy to help you figure this out.

Can we be friends with my psychologist after therapy ends?

Professional ethical rules do not allow personal relationships with former clients. This is to ensure the therapeutic space remains clean and safe for you.

What happens if I slip back after ending therapy?

Gradually scheduling sessions further apart helps you try out your new skills in real life. You can always ask for a quick “booster” session if you run into temporary difficulties.